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In a world full of meaningless drivel, one man has come ...

... to add to it ...

Sunday, 20 June 2010

THE MOST EXPENSIVE DESSERTS IN THE WORLD! (and now I'm hungry)

10. Noka Chocolate, Vintage Collection $854 per pound

Noka Chocolate Expensive Desserts
Probably the simplest dessert on the list, the Vintage Collection provided by Noka Chooclate comes in at an expensive $854 per pound. The chocolate that is sold by this company is well known for being delicious and one of the finest made in the entire world. Noka uses all different types of cocoa from places such as Ecuador, Venezuela, Cote d’Ivoire, and Trinidad. The chocolates that are provided in the Vintage Collection are all of the dark variety, each of them made with at least 75% cocoa. If you’re new to such high class chocolate, Noka even provides flavor profiles as well as tasting guidelines. Each box is packaged in the classic Noka design.

9. Golden Opulence Sundae $1,000

Serendipity's Golden Opulence Sundae
Made of the best of the best, the Golden Opulence Sundae, provided by New York City restaurantSerendipity 3, will add $1000 to your bill. The sundae was created in order to celebrate Serendipity’s 50thAnniversary- otherwise known as the golden anniversary. The restaurant says that they only sell about one of these sundaes a month, but any sale is better than none, right? Known as the world’s most expensive sundae, the Golden Opulence is made with 5 scoops of Tahitian Vanilla Bean ice cream mixed with Madagascar vanilla and Venezuelan Chuao chocolate and topped off with a leaf covered in 23K edible gold. There are also other ingredients, including gold dragets, Paris candied fruits, marzipan cherries, and truffles. To top it all off, one of the world’s most expensive chocolates (Amedei Porcelana) is drizzled over the top and a Ron Ben-Israel sugar flower is properly placed. On top of the sundae you’ll also find a small glass bowl of Grand Passion Caviar, sweetened with orange, passion fruit, and Armagnac, which gives off a shiny golden color. You even get to eat the sundae in style: an 18K gold spoon is provided to eat your delicious treat out of a Harcourt crystal goblet.

8. The Brownie Extraordinaire $1,000

Brownie Extraordinaire Most Expensive Desserts
Yo can try this dessert next time you’re on the East Coast of the U.S.- if you’re willing to dish out $1,000. The Brownie Extraordinaire is sold at Brule, a restaurant in the Tropicana Resort located in Atlantic City, New Jersey. But, this isn’t just any brownie. It’s made out of dark chocolate that is then covered with Italian hazelnuts and served with a scoop of ice cream. Along with the sweet dessert, customers are also given a very rare and highly expensive port wine, Quinta do Novel Nicional, from Portugal. The wine is poured and served in a St. Louis Crystal atomizer. Although a brownie may not seem like a very lavish dessert, adding the rare glass of wine most definitely spices things up. And, if you’re a really big spender, you can choose to spend $15,000 on a Valentine’s Day package at Tropicana Resorts, which includes a hotel stay, romantic dinners, and of course the Brownie Extraordinaire.

7. The Sultan’s Golden Cake $1,000

Sultans Golden Cake Most Expensive Desserts
If you’ve ever wanted to try an edible brick of gold, this dessert is definitely for you. It’s available at the Ciragan Palace Kempinski Hotel located in Istanbul, for the hefty price of $1,000. The cake is made of figs, pears, apricot, and quince that are then put into a Jamaican Rum and soaked for two years. To finish, the cake is topped with French Polynesia vanilla bean, caramel, black truffles, and a 24 carat gold leaf. It is said that the cake takes about 72-hours to make. Once it is ready to be served, it is placed inside a sterling silver cake box with a golden seal. However, the cake is usually only made per request: usually for a wedding, celebration, or for a sultan himself.

6. Macaroons Haute Couture $7,414

Pierre Herme Macaroons Most Expensive Desserts
Macaroons aren’t too hard to find in today’s world. They are simply two meringue puffs that are held together with butter cream. They are most popular in France, and you can usually find them for a reasonable price for such a tasty dessert. However, French pastry chef, Pierre Herme, has cooked up a new and more expensive type of macaroons. The price tag at $7,414 definitely makes these macaroons not as attractive to everyone as the original recipe. Herme says that he offers a large variety of ingredients that have elevated the costs. A customer is able to choose ingredients such as balsamic vinegar, fleur de sel, red wine, peanut butter, and anything else you can think of putting between your two meringue puffs. Not all of the macaroons are this expensive, but if you choose the right ingredients, be prepared to dish out $7,000.

5. The Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence $14,500

Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence Most Expensive Desserts
They say food presentation is very important, and when it comes to the Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence, there is no doubt. In Sri Lanka, stilt fishing has become a very popular tradition that has been around for decades. The dessert pays special tribute to this pastime by portraying a stilt fishing scene made of delicious ingredients, including chocolate, exotic fruit, and Irish cream. The dish is served with a mango and pomegranate compote. It portrays a fisherman, carved out of chocolate, hanging onto the stilt. Underneath the fisherman is a perfectly placed 80 carat aquamarine. It sits on a tiny sliver of chocolate to fully represent the fisherman’s stilt. Those who order the dessert get to keep the jewel, but as of now, no one has forked out the money. The Fortress was first unveiled at the Wine3 Fisherman Stilt restaurant in Sri Lanka.

4. Frrrozen Haute Chocolate $25,000

Frrrozen Haute Chocolate Most Expensive Desserts
Another Serendipity 3 dessert, the Frrozen Haute Chocolate is definitely a drink that no one will ever forget. At the price of $25,000, you can enjoy the frozen drink with the consistency of a slushy that contains a variety of cocoas from over 14 countries, milk, and of course 5 grams of 24-carat. To top it off, there’s a dollop of whipped cream and La Madeline au Truffle shavings. To ensure your money’s worth, the “Haute” cold dessert comes in a goblet that is banded with gold and decorated with diamonds: 1 carat of them, along with a take-home golden spoon. In 2007 the dessert was named the most expensive dessert in the world and was put into the Guinness World Records, but the price-tag has since been surpassed. In any case, would you want to pay $25,000 for slushy hot cocoa?

3. Platinum Cake $130,000

Platinum Cake Most Expensive Desserts
Created by a Japanese pastry chef named Nobue Ikara, the Platinum Cake rings in at the tiny price of $130,000, and is any platinum lover’s dream. The cake is decorated with plain white frosting and then draped with everything platinum, including chains, necklaces, pins, pendants, and even foils made of platinum that are edible. Ikara crafted the cake in dedication to many women, including Rinko Kikuchi, as well as in order to persuade more women to wear platinum. The cake was showcased by Platinum Guild International, a company encouraging more and more people to buy platinum jewelry, despite the record high rates for precious metals these days. The cake hasn’t been sold and the company has no idea whether it will be sold or not, but they do know it is worth more than many can afford. But, at least you get the chance to have your platinum cake, eat it, and wear it too. What a steal!

2. Strawberries Arnaud $1.4 million

Strawberries Arnaud New Orleans Desserts
As we’ve all heard, things are not always what they seem, and this saying applies to the Strawberries Arnaud perfectly. If you go to Arnaud’s restaurant in New Orleans’ French Quarter, you see nothing more than a bowl of strawberries topped with cream and mint. Yet, somehow they are worth $1.4 million? Look a bit harder and you’ll find a one-of-a-kind 4.7-carat pink diamond once belonging to Sir Ernest Cassel, an English royal finance advisor. Not only do you get delicious strawberries and a nice ring, the dessert comes with white-glove servers who provide wine out of a wine set worth $24,850, and of course there’s live jazz music. I mean, who would eat a $1.4 million dessert without music in the background? In any case, I say stick to your own strawberries and cream and a 25 cent plastic ring. She’ll never know the difference.

1. Diamond Fruitcake $1.65 million

Diamond Fruitcake 1.65 million dollars
For many of us, Christmas is all about spending time with family, enjoying a nice meal, and of course spending money on gifts for everyone. But, would you be daring enough to dish about $1.65 million for cake? Even better…could you afford it without having a nice overdraft fee in your bank account? Probably not; however, one pastry chef in Tokyo decided that his cake was worth this exorbitant amount of money. The chef decided to auction off the cake on Christmas Day at an exhibit entitled Diamonds: Nature’s Miracle. The chef took about 6 months to design the cake and an entire month to finish it and have it ready to be sold. 223 small diamonds are located throughout the exterior of the cake. Except for the diamonds, the rest of the cake is fully edible. This seems like a nice gift for your wife. “Here honey, have your cake and eat it too, just watch for all the diamonds”. But what woman doesn’t like diamonds, even if they are half-way covered in icing and not set in gold?

Monday, 24 May 2010

Middlesbrough Music Live 2010 Line-Up

TFM MAIN STAGE (Centre Square)
The Hoosiers
Example
Daisy Dares You
Fenech Soler
Tiffany Page
I Am Arrows
Kirsty Almeida
Duke
Millionaires
Goldhawks
Young Rebel Set

TEN FEET TALL STAGE (The Empire)
Erol Alkan (Aftershow Party)
Turin Brakes
John Power
Wolf Gang
Wildcats Present: Rum Sodomy & the Lash
Danny & The Champions of the World
Darker My Love
Airship
Babeshadow
Our Secret Sins

EVENING GAZETTE SOUNDS STAGE (Middlesbrough Town Hall)
Professor Green
Freebass
Detroit Social Club
Chapel Club
Frankie & The Heartstrings
Ou Est Le Swimming Pool
Hot Club De Paris
The Crookes
Russell & The Wolves

SUMO ROCK STAGE (Town Hall Courtyard)
The Blackout
Young Guns
My Passion
Sylosis
Millionaires
The Black Spiders
The Flatliners
Futures
The Plight
Lifeless
Hey! Alaska

COSMOS STAGE (Upstairs at The Central)
C.W. Stoneking
Johnny Flynn
Cate le Bon
Sweet Baboo
Nadine Shah
Little Glitches
Woven Project
Cattle & Cane
Leno

HARRY HOUDINI STAGE (Middle Floor of The Empire)
The Chapman Family
Exit Calm
The Neat
The Jessie Road Trip
Gloria Cycles
Retriever
Andy Jones & The Norton Rockets

HOMEGROWN OUTDOOR (Corporation Road)
Be Quiet Shout Loud
Dirty Weekend
Jimmy & The Sounds
Lost State of Dance
Soviet Disco
The Samantha Durnan Band
Sister Rose
Recusant
Red Rabbits

HOMEGROWN CRYPT (Middlesbrough Town Hall Crypt)
Glass Avalanche
We'll All Be Heroes
Exit By Name
Drunk In Hell
About A Plane Crash
British Lichen Society
Black Mountain Poets
Rosa Valle
The Disaster March

THE CENTRAL STAGE
Ginog's County
Ian Race Audio Fayre
Tees Hot Club
Straw Donkey
Temujin

HAIRY LEMON STAGE
Caterina Rea
The Southmartins
The Ska Beats
The White Negroes
The Funktion

Saturday, 22 May 2010

World Cup TV Schedule


World Cup TV schedule for the UK (all timesBST)
Date - Time - Match - Broadcaster - Location
Friday, June 11
3pm - South Africa v Mexico - ITV - Johannesburg Soccer City
7.30pm - Uruguay v France - BBC - Cape Town
Saturday, June 12
12.30pm - South Korea v Greece - ITV - Port Elizabeth
3pm - Argentina v Nigeria - BBC - Johannesburg Ellis Park
7.30pm - England v USA - ITV - Rustenburg
Sunday, June 13
12.30pm - Algeria v Slovenia - BBC - Polokwane
3pm - Serbia v Ghana - ITV - Pretoria
7.30pm - Germany v Australia - ITV - Durban
Monday June, 14
12.30pm - Netherlands v Denmark - ITV - Johannesburg Soccer City
3pm Japan v Cameroon - BBC - Bloemfontein
7.30pm - Italy v Paraguay - BBC - Cape Town
Tuesday, June 15
12.30pm - New Zealand v Slovakia - BBC - Rustenburg
3pm - Ivory Coast v Portugal - ITV - Port Elizabeth
7.30pm - Brazil v North Korea - ITV - Johannesburg Ellis Park
Wednesday, June 16
12.30pm - Honduras v Chile - ITV - Nelspruit
3pm - Spain v Switzerland - BBC - Durban
7.30pm - South Africa v Uruguay - BBC - Pretoria
Thursday, June 17
12.30pm - Argentina v South Korea - ITV - Johannesburg Soccer City
3pm - Greece v Nigeria - BBC - Bloemfontein
7.30pm - France v Mexico - BBC - Polkowane
Friday, June 18
12.30pm - Germany v Serbia - BBC - Port Elizabeth
3pm - Slovenia v USA - BBC - Johannesburg Ellis Park
7.30pm - England v Algeria - ITV - Cape Town
Saturday, June 19
12.30pm - Netherlands v Japan - ITV - Durban
3pm - Ghana v Australia - BBC - Rustenburg
7.30pm - Cameroon v Denmark - ITV - Pretoria
Sunday, June 20
12.30pm - Slovakia v Paraguay - BBC - Bloemfontein
3pm - Italy v New Zealand - ITV - Nelspruit
7.30pm - Brazil v Ivory Coast - BBC - Johannesburg Soccer City
Monday, June 21
12.30pm - Portugal v North Korea - BBC - Cape Town
3pm - Chile v Switzerland - BBC - Port Elizabeth
7.30pm - Spain v Honduras - ITV - Johannesburg Ellis Park
Tuesday, June 22
3pm - Mexico v Uruguay - ITV - Rustenburg
3pm - France v South Africa - ITV - Bloemfontein
7.30pm - Nigeria v South Korea - BBC - Durban
7.30pm - Greece v Argentina - BBC - Polkowane
Wednesday, June 23
3pm - Slovenia v England - BBC - Port Elizabeth
3pm - USA v Algeria - BBC - Pretoria
7.30pm - Australia v Serbia - ITV - Nelspruit
7.30pm - Ghana v Germany - ITV - Johannesburg Soccer City
Thursday, June 24
3pm - Slovakia v Italy - ITV - Johannesburg Ellis Park
3pm - Paraguay v New Zealand - ITV - Polokwane
7.30pm - Denmark v Japan - BBC - Rustenburg
7.30pm - Cameroon v Holland - BBC - Cape Town
Friday, June 25
3pm - Portugal v Brazil - BBC - Durban
3pm - North Korea v Ivory Coast - BBC - Nelspruit
7.30pm - Chile v Spain - ITV - Pretoria
7.30pm - Switzerland v Honduras - ITV - Bloemfontein

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

'Gland Squad.

This morning the provisional England World Cup squad was announced. Big names like Gary Neville, Wes Brown, Phil Jagielka, Joleon Lescott and Bobby Zamora have already missed out, and another 7 names need to be cut from the ranks to make our final World Cup squad.



Needless to say England are in deep shit when it comes to goalkeepers. We have a load of shit ones (Foster, Carson, Robinson, Kirkland, Harper, etc) and then you have these decidedly average at best keepers to take. Out of the three I'd call Hart our best, and James provides a lot of experience which we could actually do with if it ever comes to penalties. If you were to cut one it'd have to be Green, but should we really be cutting a keeper? This isn't a game of Pro Evo where we can leave out our back-up keepers because it is incredibly unlikely our top one will get injured or be sent off - we need those back-up keepers just in case. I'd take all three.

GONE: 0 (None)



LB: Baines, Cole, Warnock
CB: Carragher, Dawson, Feridnand, King, Terry, Upson
RB: Johnson

That is one lonely right back, luckily Carragher has played in that position before. Carragher is quite the choice - he isn't the best he's ever been, but he had a decent second half to the season. Carragher can also provide cover for centre back as well as right back, so I'd say he is an ideal, we just have to pray Glen Johnson never gets injured. As for everyone else, I'd say it'd be sensible to take a back up for every position, so 8 defenders preferably, or maybe 7 with Carragher's inclusion (he'd have to be a back up for centre back and right back). That said, Warnock is gone, no arguments. In centre back, Dawson, King and Upson? All are expendable to me, but Dawson is ... well ... wank, so bye. Upson however hasn't been doing well lately so he'd be the second CB cut if it was ever needed (at lease he has experience).

GONE: 2 (Dawson and Warnock)


RM: Lennon, Walcott, SWP
CM: Barry, Carrick, Gerrard, Huddlestone, Lampard, Parker
LM: Cole, Johnson
EVERYTHING: Milner

There is a lot of fat to trim in England's midfield. Our first dilemma though is what are we going to do with Gerrard and Lampard? In the past it has been solved by moving Gerrard to the wing, problem here is we already have 3 right wing players, and that is Milner's area as well. Milner, I feel, is vital for us at this point so he stays. Walcott, though inconsistent, can be very important as he can cut into the position of striker effortlessly - if we don't take Walcott we have to take all 5 strikers, but I'd keep him were he is. Lennon and SWP ... sorry guys. As much as I love SWP, and he is a proven goalscorer, I don't see much use for him, and I see even less for Lennon. The left wing is pretty untouchable, not due to quality, but because we really don't have anyone else that can play there, unless you want Lampard to go there as he has a strong left-foot. From centre I'd cut another two out of Barry, Carrick, Huddlestone and Parker, and sadly Huddlestone and Parker are players I see no use for. Unless Barry's injury lasts longer than we think.

GONE: 4 (Huddlestone, Lennon, Parker and SWP)


This is interesting. It'd be nice to take all the strikers, it really would, but we can't. Heskey gets lots of stick, but people ignore that he isn't in the England squad to score goals, he is there to bully the defenders in order to open windows for the midfielders and the other striker. Crouch does this as well, plus he has the scoring record, so I'd take him over Heskey, but for the second team you need him anyway. If you've done the math you know I only need to cut one more guy (unless you were to cut Walcott), so either Defoe or Bent? Both have the same weakness: they can only score when the team plays to their style, and that simply doesn't cut it in the England squad. This choice comes down to one factor then, and that is experience, which Bent has little of. The World Cup is not a place to test the waters, and Bent is completely untested, so sorry Sunderland fans, he is cut in favour of Defoe.

GONE: 1 (Bent)
TOTAL GONE: 7 (Bent, Dawson, Huddlestone, Lennon, Parker, SWP and Warnock)

All in all, my Starting XI would look like this:

Hart

Johnson - Terry - Ferdinand - A. Cole

Gerrard -- Milner - Lampard -- J.Cole

Rooney --- Crouch

Saturday, 8 May 2010

A Triplet of Movie Reviews

44 Inch Chest
Without ever being too bad it remains entirely underwhelming as a film. Ray Winstone is a master of the general character he plays in all his films, and combined with the rest of the cast you have some decent-great acting with a script that is quite well written. Why is it disappointing then? Because it may as well be one extended scene. This story is simply in the wrong medium; put it on a stage and I am sure it would be quite the hit.

Four Lions
The subject matter makes this the blackest of black comedies, but this film stands as one that is entirely funny, silly, and quotable. Everyone must tip their hat to Chris Morris because I simply cannot see how this film could have been any better. It was approached and presented in exactly the right way to decentertise us to what was going on, but only within the context of the film – no one watching that film is condoning a jihad, they want it mocked, but the characters are so good they forget the film is mocking jihadists in the first place. The result of the underlining genius is a feature so funny it was stomach-cramp inducing. This is my favourite film of the year so far.

Kick-Ass
Ignoring the “controversy” one certain dickhead and his paper created, this was a really good film. I’ve never been one to complain about something not being 100% loyal to the source material (Watchmen and Fantastic Mr. Fox for example) so for me this was a very good satirisation of the comic book superhero and a delightfully funny teenage-angst movie, and a explicitly colourful action film. A must see for fans of the genre and a heavy recommendation for everyone else – only if you are of age though. We don’t want to glorify violence or sexualise children now, do we?

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Why you shouldn't vote BNP ...

The General Election is just a couple of days away and I hope you’ve decided on who you are voting for. I’m not here to push my views onto people, but there are a few issues I want to raise. Well, one view – DO NOT vote BNP.

You might be lucky enough to be in a constituency where they are not represented, but my former home of Stockton South does have a candidate and I am currently reading his hand-out, and it is a load of shit. Let me take you through it.

Neil Sinclair starts his dirtsheet with a little introduction to himself, which I am going to quote directly:

“I was a Labour voter for over 30 years but became disillusioned by the policies of Blair + Brown and their open door policy on immigration and forced multi-culturism, only the BNP can stand up to this nonsensical and out of hand political correctness, my other concerns are, the state of the NHS, crime + anti-social behaviour, and the threat of terrorism, our political leaders seem hell-bent on destroying everything we hold dear, at every turn the true British citizen is faced with discrimination, ridicule, and even persecution, what future will there be for our children + grandchildren ?.

One sentence ladies and gentlemen. Would you really vote for someone who can’t string a proper sentence together? Not to mention cannot spell for shit (my apologies Mr Sincalir, Microsoft Word auto-corrected a number of your mistakes), cannot use grammar properly, + cannot be arsed to type “and” half the time. For all of BNP’s nonsense about being British they can’t even use the language.

The A4 sheet of paper then lists the BNP’s “policies”, all of which are justified by fear-mongering, lies and outright stupidity. Let me take your through:

Immigration: According to the BNP, 98.5% of job vacancies go to immigrants. Did you know 96.8% of statistics are made up? Come on; if you believe that clearly made up number you don’t deserve a vote. They also say Britain’s population with grow to 74 million in 20 years, but they say this is because of immigration – wrong, it is actually due to the ever increasing birth rate and it is a worldwide problem. They close the paragraph with “the British with be an ethnic minority in ... only 60 years” ... “British” is not an ethnicity; it is a nationality, once again proving the BNP cannot use the English language. In this section though not a single policy is mentioned, because honestly, do you really think the BNP have any idea how they would handle immigration? They don’t even understand the process.

Crime: The BNP falsely claim that 20% of the prison population are illegal immigrants. In actuality, 84% of the prison population for males are white British nationals, and 11% are black British nationals (http://www.statistics.gov.uk/STATBASE/ssdataset.asp?vlnk=7363). The Ministry of Justice also reports that the majority of criminals for violent or drug related crime are working class white males. The BNP also promise to restore capital punishment, despite the fact that places that use capital punishment have a much higher crime rate than places that don’t.

Afghanistan: Their policies in relation to this show their ignorance. They argue that “human rights” is not good enough reason to justify it, despite both World Wars being fought because of human rights violations. They also ambitiously promise to bring our troops home “NOW”, despite it, you know, being impossible and all that jazz.

NHS: This paragraph is a selection of statistics, no solution is offered, once against showing the BNP are clueless to the issue.

Education: “most 5 + 6 year olds can’t write their own name”, “40% of children are incapable of proper reading + arithmetic at age 11” – both of these are lies as figures released by a number of independent organisations show British children are getting smarter year-by-year. Plus, Neil Sinclair can’t even write properly and he wants to tell you how education should be done? He also wants to “restore discipline”, despite that being directly related to misbehaviour among children.

Christian Heritage: As an atheist, this policy infuriates me. To summarise, the BNP want to force what they call “traditional western values” onto children, violating human rights laws. They quote the former Archbishop of Canterbury who said how bad Sharia laws are, yet they fail to mention that the current Archbishop of Canterbury advised the use of Sharia law in this country. They strangely also forget to mention the current controversy over Paedophiles in the Catholic Church, funny that.

Smoking: Yes, this is an issue for them. They call Parliament “HYPOCRITES.!!” for banning smoking in pubs, despite it now being European Law and a law that is being implemented all across the world because of its dangerous link to cancer and other health problems. The BNP, apparently, wants you to die earlier.

European Union: In a demonstration of massive stupidity the BNP will pull out of the EU, in light of the massive economic benefits being members of the EU entails. Sinclair talks about restoring “Britain’s freedom”, forgetting of course that Britain is subject to international law regardless of what Union we are a member of, and that the European-wide law we subscribe to has no negative effect on our freedoms. Of course the BNP is going to be anti-European, because under European law half of their policies would be ILLEGAL – but guess what? Europe on no Europe, the United Nations will have something to say about various BNP policies.

“Policies”, by the way, that are not mentioned here. Policies like removing art and social science courses from Universities. This means no English Degrees, no Politics Degrees, no Law Degrees, no Drama Degrees, no Music Degrees, and no History Degrees ... only Science Degrees.

How about increasing military spending, making national service compulsory? They also want to allow an American-style “right to bear arms” law, or to quote them directly, “men should keep a rifle and ammunition in their homes”.

The BNP want to reduce the amount of aid Britain gives. You might agree with this is you are a selfish arsehole.

Also, seeing as we live in the 21st century, the BNP want to make homosexual relationships and mixed-race relationships illegal.

Need I say more? 

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Short Reviews

A Prophet
It may not have matched the hype, because there was so much of it, but it is still a brilliant movie. Grubby in the most beautiful way – it is tense, raw, exhilarating and extremely modern in comparison to every other crime/gangster film out there. Tahar Rahim put on a great performance, but the standout guy here is the director, Jacques Audiard, who proved he was no less than an expert in his craft.

The Lovely Bones
A promising premise and good performances are the only positives here. Peter Jackson has no idea how to balance the psychologically pounding concept of a child’s murder with the dreamy “sentimental” heaven sequences. In the end, it was overly-long missed opportunity with a paper-thin feux-arty plot, complete with terrible non-ending that failed to provide a proper conclusion or justify itself.

Ninja Assassin
This was so much fun to watch. The gore was made so cartoonish you were decentertised from the very beginning. You aren’t supposed to be disgusted or grossed out – you are just supposed to look in awe and count the limbs as they are cut off. That said, fans of gore might not find it realistic enough, and there may just be too much generic revenge plot to annoy anyone. The trick is to expect mindless fun, not a good film.

Precious
How much misery can you cram into one film? Really? It just got to the point where they were throwing out nuggets of sadness for no reason. Aside from that, a really good film highlighted by exceptional performances which in the end isn’t quite heart-warming, nor uplifting, but at least justified. It isn’t a fairytale, it is a reality-tale, and well worth the watch.

The Road
A dark and interesting film which is hurt somewhat by the post-apocalyptic setting, which I for one am getting a little bit sick of. It isn’t quite No Count For Old Men, but connections can be made. Nevertheless, Viggo Mortensen is puts on a great performance, as does Kofi McPhee in all fairness. It is haunting, compelling and powerful to the point where one watch is enough; I certainly won’t be putting it on again anytime soon.